Hello beautiful people! I was inspired to write this post by people who hold on to romantic situations based on their partner’s potential. The potential for them to become a better person. The potential that they’ll advance in their career. Even the potential that they’ll have stronger feelings one day. In my 30’s I realized that kind of potential is bullshit.
Don’t get me wrong. All relationships have potential to grow into something bigger and better. However, after being with someone a considerable amount of time. Some of us get comfortable and lost in the “idea” of that person. Putting them on a pedestal. Overlooking important traits that may normally be deal breakers. I only know from thinking that way myself.
I once dated a very bad boy with a heart of gold. He had dreams and aspirations. If only he could get off his lazy ass and go to school or just work at a job for more than 3 months. We might have something here. He did eventually go to school while we were together. That lasted for about a month. After a while I had to realize he really didn’t want to work to accomplish his dreams and aspirations. He’d rather smoke tons of weed and be angry about shit.
Looking back on it. I don’t think I ever really liked him as he was. I just thought he was cute and good in the sack. I tried to push this potential I thought he had on to him. In order to make him right for me. I wanted an educated, willfully employed guy. That was not him. I finally ended it. Not without a good car keying and “bitch” being carved into my apartment door. He was a very bad boy after all. I wasn’t very surprised.
I now think its important to take a step back to look at a relationship for what it is in that moment. If I would’ve done that with the man in my story. It would have been over in a split second. I held on to the potential for too long. I loved who I thought he could be, not who he was. I also feel I may have missed red flags, because I was so focused on forcing change for the future.
The lesson here is to love yourself and others for exactly who they are now. If you don’t really like who someone is right now. There’s a big chance you won’t like who they are in the future either. People don’t really change that much. Especially the older we get. Just go with the flow and live in the moment, and if that moment sucks….RUN! 😉