Hello beautiful people! One of my favorite activities is catching up with my wonderful group of friends. They are spread out all over the country. So I always find it interesting that we all have similar stories as it relates to our singledom. Men and women alike honestly. That’s what inspired me to write this list. I figured there must be more of us out there. If anything someone may just get a chuckle out of it.
1. The power of NO.
I’m the most proud of this one, because I spent most of my 20’s accepting shit that I knew I shouldn’t have. Like, saying yes to letting some guy come over at 2am. Even saying yes to working late hours when I knew my check wouldn’t look much different. Nor would I be favored by management anymore than the employee who leaves early everyday. I was so concerned with pleasing others, I seemed to have forgotten to take care of myself.
Now I know if someone values who you are. They will respect your terms and availability. I’ve learned to be more vocal on exactly what those are for me. If they can’t adhere to those terms, they can kick rocks.
2. Taking care of oneself
I’m talking about a little you on you alone time. #masturbation. Men DO NOT have a problem in this department whatsoever. There are women who don’t either. I’ve only recently become one of those women. I try to take care of business a couple of times a week. It’s really helped me get to know my body, have better self control, and appreciate moments alone. I hate to admit to this, but I didn’t know what the “Big O” felt like, until I gave myself one in my 30s.
3. We’re all a little f*cked up by now
I have yet to come across a single person, in their 30’s, who hasn’t been affected by their past relationships. Whether it’s getting your heart broken, infidelity, childhood trauma, or over-staying in a volatile situation. Most of us have developed trust issues, put up emotional walls, and drag around plenty of baggage.
That’s why it’s so important to effectively communicate. I love having open conversations, with no judgement. Even if it’s something embarrassing or shameful. Let’s open those bags. So I can get a better understanding of who someone is and vise versa. At that point, both parties can make a better decision on what level of “fucked up” is acceptable to them.
4. Time is of the essence
In my 20’s. I dating people I knew I didn’t have feelings for. I waited around for people who didn’t have feelings for me. There was also “the string along”. The person who checks in a few times a week, to keep you at bay. I had the tendency of holding on to the fantasy of who I wanted someone to be. Not who they actually were. By the end of all that I realized how much time I wasted.
Now, I feel if something isn’t working. I move on. Occasionally, I keep one on the hit list until something better comes along. But I stopped dwelling on why, what’s wrong with me, or the other person. Everyone has their reasons why they can’t be with you. Those reasons truly don’t matter. They just saved you time to find someone better suited for you.
Anytime I’ve rushed into something. It burned in flames. Better yet, it got my car and apartment vandalized. Those stories are for another day. Look at Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom. Maybe if she knew him longer than a month before getting hitched. She probably would’ve found out about his love for crack and getting blowies from hookers.
In any case, a valuable lesson is learned from those experiences. If someone wants to be a fixture in your life, it takes time. Nurturing a relationship is incredibly beneficial. It may grow into something special. If not, you’ve probably dodged a huge bullet.
I’m far from a relationship expert, but I am a pro at being single AF. I’ve been doing that my entire adult life. It just took me until my 30’s to embrace it. I’m a potty mouth, sarcastic , slightly paranoid lush. One day, someone will love me for all that and more. In the meantime I’m ridiculously happy loving myself. In more ways than one, if you know what I mean..wink wink.