Hello again beautiful humans. I was looking for a change in scenery, and I hadn’t seen mountains in a while. So I decided to take a trip to scenic Gatlinburg, Tennessee, though I would’ve preferred Nashville. My family owns a timeshare in Gatlinburg, and I am all about being cost effective.
The five hour drive up was nice. From Asheville, North Carolina, until we got off the exit in Tennessee it was notably scenic. About 15 miles outside of Gatlinburg there was a one-car road that lead up the mountain. The only scene happening there was trailers and car graveyards. I’m pretty sure there were at least 5 firearms and framed Trump posters in every trailer we drove past. That 30 minutes was a little nerve wrecking, but we made it out unscathed.
After checking-in and unpacking, we did what any normal people would do in the Tennessee mountains. Go buy a substantial amount of Tennessee-made spirits. Followed by taste testing a substantial amount of Tennessee made spirits. That lead to seeking out some good eats. We drove to the “downtown” strip. The first thing I spotted was a Mexican restaurant across the street from a Ripley’s Believe It or Not Aquarium. That’s when I realized this place was commercialized AF. The entire strip was filled with Ripley’s museums, moonshine distilleries, mall stores, pancake restaurants, and gift shops with one too many Confederate flag souvenirs. This wasn’t the cute mountain town I was hoping for. But when in Tennessee, do as the heavily made-up ladies do.
Day two started at one of the pancake restaurants we saw the day before. It was a gigantic wood cabin with buttery pancakes and fresh omelettes. All very tasty. After breakfast we headed to the space needle to check out the 360 degree view of the Smokies. It was breathtaking 407ft up in the air. At least until I got a bad feeling in my tummy. A very bad feeling. So bad that I had to hop back on the elevator, and excuse myself to an arcade restroom. Not sexy. I continued to be un-sexy for a few hours. I kept trying to figure out what the hell was in those pancakes. Although, I’m sure it may have had something to do with the Tennessee made spirits from the day before.
Later we tried our luck with dinner. There was an ad on tv for a small authentic New Orleans restaurant. It is owned by people who talked like Harry Connick Jr. They relocated to Gatlinburg after hurricane Katrina. The food was absolutely delicious.
Next, we wanted to see what the night life was like. We asked a guy on the street where the happening bars were. He pointed out a couple of placed, and warned us about a bar by the name of Puckers. He said it was trashy and no good. We walked in a couple of places that really weren’t my style. Then, there was Puckers. We walked in and I saw two of the only other black people and one Latin guy. That was the most diverse crowd I’d seen the entire night. The DJ was playing top 40 and hip hop. It was fun. That guy on the street was a hater.
Although I didn’t get to do any nature oriented activities the trip turned out to be lots of fun. It was beautiful there. As we were leaving, we drove back down that one car road, and saw a gentleman in his 40’s with a mullet and cigarette hanging out of his mouth, practicing his badass nunchuck skills. I thought it was the perfect goodbye from Tennessee.